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Anyone who knows me well knows I am an introvert. Growing up I had a few core friends I was completely comfortable around. We hung out at school, birthday parties, and the occassional get-togethers. However, my friends hung out a lot more without me. It wasn’t because I wasn’t invited, because I was. It wasn’t because I didn’t truly like my friends either. I did (and most of us are still good friends to this day)! It also wasn’t because my parents were strict. They often encouraged me to go out and have some fun. It was just that my social needs were met at school and at the end of the day I just wanted some quiet time. As a result, I often found myself making excuses as to why I couldn’t hang out after school. I didn’t understand the constant need to be surrounded by others. Most days after school or work I’d be home doing work outside, reading, studying, or just jamming to music in my room.

People I work with are often surprised I associate as an introvert “because I can communicate well.” Being an introvert does not mean I don’t enjoy hanging out or talking to people. I just prefer my interactions with others in smaller doses. Hanging out with people is emotionally draining for me. Although I spend my day at my job talking to people, I often go home to a quiet house to decompress. My home is my sanctuary and I enjoy my alone time. I tend to shut down, get irritable, and feel unwell if I over-exert myself. As a result I guard my time and am cautious of my commitments.

So how does living an intentional life tie into my introverted self?

For Prime Day I bought the book “The Secret Lives of Introverts” by Jenn Granneman. I highly recommend the read for introverts trying to push themselves outside their comfort zone and for extroverts who have introverted friends or significant others. Having discovered simple, intentional living about 2.5 years ago and setting aside a lot of time for self-reflection, I found chapter 6 really interesting.

Our society values “doing” over “being” and downtime is seen as being unproductive or “lazy”. However, always being “on the go” can make us more anxious and stressed. We can feel lost and without purpose if we don’t give ourselves time to process our surroundings, situation, or thoughts.

I always knew I was a introvert, preferring solitude to social functions. However I was unknowingly chasing others’ dreams and ideas of success and happiness for years. Everyone wants the typical “American Dream” right? A big house, a big yard, a couple of vehicles, a few of vacations per year, a few “toys” or hobbies, and a stable job to pay for it all. Only after the purchase of our first house did reality set it. We had a big house and a lot of student debt. There would be no vacations or “toys”. Just 25-30 years of working and paying off student loans and a mortgage. Only after hitting this milestone and still being unhappy did I do some deep reflection to figure out what I truly wanted my life to look like. Turns out, I didn’t want a big house with a big mortgage. I didn’t want to be “house poor”. I didn’t want student loans hanging over my head for 25 years. I wanted to pay down our debt, be able to take vacations and weekend trips, and hopefully retire early.

Our minds actually need downtime to process and work through our problems. When we are constantly surrounded by others and others’ opinions we become overwhelmed and anxious. We can’t decide what we should do or what is best for us. We are more confused than clear on which direction we should go in. If we had listened to everyone else, the hubs and I would still be living in that house as miserable as ever. If we can consciously take time away from others and be present with ourselves, our mind will tend to work out the solution for us. Thank goodness the hubs and I arrived at the same place.

Intentional living isn’t only about intentional purchases and supporting companies who share the same values. It’s also about intentionally spending your time. One of my priorities is to not over-extend myself. If I do, I become resentful and can’t be fully present for the other people in my life. As I stated before, I guard my time. I only go to social gatherings 2-4 times per month because they are emotionally and physically draining for me. I also give myself at least a week notice to prepare myself for an event or outing (which is why I don’t handle last minute changes well). I then reserve at least one day per week to recover from the work week and any other outings I’ve been to. The hubs and I have this unwritten rule where if we are feeling drained and have something marked on the calendar to do, we’ll let each other know, and if we can reschedule we will and stay in instead. By taking time to recharge, I can then be my best self, show up for others fully, and appreciate our time together more.

Being an introvert living an intentional life, I have never felt so aligned. By not overbooking my calendar I make sure I have enough time to focus on my passions, priorities, and well-being. I spend a lot of time self-reflecting and schedule recovery time so I can be the best version of myself. For me, an intentional, slow life is perfectly aligned with my introverted nature.

However, spending time alone can also benefit the extrovert as well. While an extrovert does not crave as much quiet time as an introvert, solitude can certainly help one figure out problems, set goals and establish priorities, and improve overall well-being. I think solitude and reflection are best summed up by this quote from the book:

“It’s the fuel for your mind and your very life itself. Without it, you feel worn out, mentally drained, and exhausted. You may lose touch with who you are and what you believe. Solitude isn’t just about you, though. It’s important to get enough of it so you can show up and be present for the people in your life. Most important, it creates the energy you can use to give back to the world.”